


Diamond Eyes

by Zonkcat



Category: Brach Smyers - Fandom, Shinedown - Fandom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-29
Updated: 2015-08-29
Packaged: 2018-04-17 22:24:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4683572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zonkcat/pseuds/Zonkcat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zach needs Brent as a shoulder to cry on more than ever now.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Diamond Eyes

Zach was just tying the laces of his Jordan’s when Barry appeared from the back lounge of the bus.  
“Ready, Zach? Jake says he’s coming over now.” Barry eyed his shoes.  
“Yeah, yeah. I’m coming. Stop judging my shoes.” Zach jumped up and followed Barry from the bus, giddy with excitement.  
As they stepped off the bus, Jake walked up to them, towering over Zach. “Are you guys sure about this? There are a hell of a lot of people out there.”  
“Ready as we’ll ever be. We haven’t run the merch booth in ages!” Zach bounced a little. He loved getting to meet fans and talk to them, and the best way to do that was from the merch booth. Admittedly, he often missed the days when the band would run the booth, but since the band had become a headlining name, none of them had time to tend to it. Plus, the lines were usually never ending. But since they were at Aftershock, a giant rock festival, and every band had their own merch booth this year, Zach and Barry decided it was a good time to go old school again.  
“You know, there’s a reason you guys don’t work the booth anymore. You’re going to be swamped.” Jake replied, as if he knew he was fighting a pointless battle. He turned and gestured for Zach and Barry to follow him. Eric and Brent were off doing loads of press, plus Brent’s voice needed the rest.  
They walked around the festival, staying on the outskirt. No one had mentioned that the two would be at the booth; Shinedown was notorious for their surprises.  
Matt, their current merch guy, was selling a shirt to a couple as Zach, Barry and Jake approached from behind the booth. The duo looked up as Zach came to stand by Matt, and their mouths dropped.  
For the next hour, Zach and Barry took over the job of selling shirts, sweatshirts, wristbands, posters and hats. They signed CDs, posters, tattoos, and took countless pictures. Zach lost count of how many hugs he gave. The crowd grew as word spread that the guitarist and drummer of Shinedown were at their own merch booth.  
But Zach’s favorite part of it all was getting to talk to the fans. Him and Barry heard story after story, received proclamations about their height, and were asked an array of questions. He never stopped smiling and listening to everyone who came to him. No matter how many people said it, he could never get over hearing how much his music meant to people.  
After the crowd thinned out a little, Zach plopped down on a chair Jake had brought him. He leaned his arms on the table, twirling his black sharpie. Barry sat next to him as an older couple walked off, smiling.  
“Just like old times, huh?” Barry asked, beaming.  
“Damn right. This is great. We should do this more often.” Zach replied, looking out at the moving crowd of people.  
“You know that’s not going to happen, Zach.”  
“Hey, a man can dream.” Zach pulled out his phone, deciding to post on Twitter that he and Barry were there. “Eric says he’s getting tacos from a food truck that’s here. You want any?” Zach read a text from his bass player.  
“Yeah, steak ones.” Barry replied. “Please.”  
Zach was just finishing up a response text when he heard a voice above him.  
“Excuse me.”  
He hit send and shoved his phone into his pocket, looking up at the voice. A teenage girl stood in front of him. She had long curly hair and a thin figure. She smiled hesitantly at Zach.  
“Hey, kiddo.” Zach said, smiling. “How’s it going?”  
The girl nodded. “Good, I’m good. Except it’s hot.” Zach nodded in agreement. “I’m Alaina.”  
“That’s a pretty name.”  
Alaina smiled. “Thank you.” She looked down, as if unsure of what to say next.  
Zach decided to help her out. “Seen any good bands so far?”  
The girl nodded, her hair bouncing up and down. “Just saw Highly Suspect. Love those guys.”  
“Me, too. Good stuff.”  
“Sorry, I’m not good at conversation.” Alaina replied quietly as she pulled a drawstring off her back.  
“Don’t apologize. You’re doing fine.” Zach had a sudden urge to hug this girl. He could almost feel her fear and her pain.  
“I have something for you.” Alaina produced a couple sheets of paper from her bag. The movement caused some bracelets on her wrist to drop, and Zach caught a glint of a thin red line. His heart immediately lurched.  
Instead of saying anything, Zach examined the things Alaina laid on the table. “I drew this picture. It took me awhile, but I finally got it right.” She pointed to the drawing that had crows, amaryllis flowers, flames, roses and a snake on it. The colors gorgeously mixed and twisted into a drawing that left Zach silent for a moment.  
“It’s gorgeous. You’ve got a lot of talent, kid.” He gently picked it up and examined it more. “This is for me?”  
Alaina smiled, an almost amused expression. “Of course. I have no use for it.” Then she returned to the table. “And there’s this that I wrote. But don’t read it yet!” Her eyes widened a little. “Wait until tomorrow to read it, okay? Promise?”  
A hint of fear lingered on her voice as she spoke those last few words. Zach wondered why she was so insistent on when he read her letter, but he didn’t argue. “I promise.”  
Alaina nodded once. “Good.”  
“Do you draw a lot?” Zach gestured towards the paper he held in his hand.  
“Yeah,” Alaina replied, “it helps keep the demons away.”  
He nodded slowly. Heart pounding, Zach gently reached for Alaina’s arm, pushing her bracelets back. She didn’t resist, even when a long line of red scars were exposed.  
“Does this keep the demons away too?” He said, not looking her in the eye.  
There was a pause before Alaina responded. “No. They help me feel like I’m in control.”  
Zach just nodded once and dropped her arm. He didn’t know what to say; this wasn’t exactly his area of expertise. He had met plenty of fans over the years who self-harmed, but he never knew how they felt, and he didn’t feel like it was his place to tell them it was going to be okay or to stop doing it.  
Instead, he said, “Do you want to tell me about it?”  
Alaina looked at him a moment before shaking her head. “No.” She gave him a half-smile. “It’s okay. It’s getting better. I’ve got it figured out; now I’ve just got to get there.”  
He wanted to tell her he could help. But could he really? He wanted to hug her and not let go until everything really was okay. But he couldn’t do that either.  
Alaina must have figured out what he was thinking, because she said, “Don’t worry. You’ve already helped a lot. All I wanted was to meet you. You’ve made this easily the best day of my life and I couldn’t thank you enough.”  
Without thinking twice, Zach hoped the table and silently pulled the girl into a hug. He felt her frail body press into his, hoping that his warmth and compassion would find a way to give her strength to keep fighting. Alaina squeezed him tighter for a moment before pulling back.  
“Thank you, Zach.” She smiled at him.  
“You deserve to be happy, Alaina.” Zach replied.  
“I am happy!” She smiled wider. “I’m at a rock concert. How much better can it get?”  
Zach couldn’t argue that logic. “Then get out there and have a badass time, okay?”  
Alaina nodded, and turned to go.  
“Wait!” Zach called her back. “What’s your Twitter name? I gotta post this and give you credit.”  
A giggle escaped Alaina’s lips. “You’re funny. It’s AlHart16.” She spelled it out as he typed it in a note on his phone.  
“Alaina Hart? That’s a gorgeous name.” Zach commented.  
“Yeah, I’ve grown fond of it.”  
Alaina hugged him once more and walked off. She turned back and waved once. As he returned her wave, Zach realized the girl hadn’t asked for a single picture or autograph.  
*********  
The show that night was incredible. It was one of the biggest crowds Shinedown had played for, and one of the loudest. When they played Simple Man, Zach couldn’t even hear himself think over the singing of the crowd. It never ceased to send a shiver down his spine.  
About halfway through the show, Zach had spotted Alaina. She had managed to get front row, and was headbanging and rocking out as hard as they burly men next to her. Her bright smile never left her face.  
After Second Chance, he bent down and got her attention. He held out a pick to her. Her smile grew wider and she took it, clutching it tightly in her hand the rest of the show. He couldn’t help but smile when he saw her beam at him. Alaina was bright, strong and beautiful. She had a bright future ahead of her; Alaina Hart was going to be a killer artist.  
********  
The next day, Zach rolled out of bed as sunlight shone through the window by his bunk. His phone said it was 11am. Sleepiness still tugged at him, but he resisted the urge to go back to sleep and hauled himself out of bed.  
Zach poured himself a glass of orange juice and pushed the start button on the coffee machine since he was the first one up.  
“Lazy bastards.” He muttered into his juice.  
As he plopped himself onto the couch, he remembered his letter from Alaina. He’d kept his promise to not read prior to today. Figuring he’d waited long enough, Zach picked it up from the table and opened it.  
He was about halfway through when he choked on his juice. He dropped his glass, shattering it, and doubled over in a choking fit.  
He heard commotion arise as someone shouted his name and started pounding on his back. Zach clutched the letter tighter, his chest tightening with his grip.  
As air filled his lungs normally again, Zach sat up slowly, feeling his face become hot and wet with tears. He looked up through blurry eyes and saw Brent standing over him.  
“Shit, Zach. Are you okay?” Brent asked, looking around the room. He yanked the broom from the corner and started sweeping the glass into a pile.  
Zach sat and watched in silence. Brent didn’t say anything as he finished sweeping and used the hand vacuum to get any leftover glass. He gathered a handful of paper towels and placed them over the juice stain. Looking pleased with his work, he turned and sat next to Zach.  
“What happened sweetie?” Brent asked gently. Zach loved that he didn’t have to tell Brent when he was upset; Brent just knew. Of course, the tears and broken glass might be a giveaway too.  
Swallowing hard, Zach held up the letter he still clutched in his hand. Brent nodded at it; Zach had told him about Alaina last night.  
Brent’s expression saddened, almost as if he knew what it said already. “What does it say?”  
Inhaling deeply, Zach calmed himself down enough to see the paper clearly. He read it aloud:

Zach,  
I’m so sorry. I didn’t want to involve you in this. But I felt like I had to write you this, to let you know what you and your music meant to me. In fact, the only reason I stayed as long as I did was because of you.  
I’ll be honest, if you’re reading this, I’m most likely gone now. I would’ve done it a long time ago, but then I saw you’d be playing in my city. It was really the only thing I wanted before I died; to see you play live. Then I decided I’d write you a letter… Don’t beat yourself up over this please.  
I guess people will say I never had a fair chance or something like that. I’ve been everything from homeless to sexually abused to physically abused to left by my mother and brother, leaving me with my father, the man that put me through hell over and over again.  
It was your music that gave me courage to stand up to my dad and get out of there. Amaryllis was there for me when I lived on the streets and buses for a month before I found where my mother was residing. Even though she didn’t like me, I convinced her to let me stay. It was miserable. But the Sound of Madness would drown out the noise and the pain and make everything be okay for awhile.  
She’s going to blame you; I thought I should let you know. She hates everything I love, and was revolted at the idea of me going to a concert. I snuck out of course; I had no intentions of going back, so what was the harm? Just be prepared; she’s a bitch and will not hesitate to put the fault on your shoulders.  
But you are the farthest thing from at fault. I follow you on Twitter and watch all your interviews. You are one of the most inspiring, beautiful people I’ve ever seen in the world. We need more people like you. Your kindness and genuine concern for everyone around you is mesmerizing. I only wish I’d been able to be half the person you are.  
I hope you continue to be beautiful. I don’t think you know just how many people you impact. It’s a thing of wonder, really. Don’t stop being you, Zach. You are fantastic and the world needs to know that.  
And don’t blame yourself. There was nothing you could’ve done. I had already made up my mind before I came to your show. Though, your hug was probably the warmest embrace I’ve ever encountered in my life. For a tiny heartbeat, I’d changed my mind. But then I remembered what I’d go home to, and realized that no hug would protect me from that. However, don’t stop hugging people. It’s part of what makes you so beautiful.  
With the utmost love,  
Alaina Hart

It seemed like ages before the world continued spinning. Zach had collapsed into Brent’s lap and fell into a trance. When he finally came back to, Brent was stroking his hair and the letter wasn’t in his grasp anymore. Barry, Eric and Jake were all scattered around the front lounge area, silent. None of them made eye contact with him.  
Sighing heavily, he pushed himself off of his singer’s lap and dragged himself to the shower. It took him a few moments to realize the bus wasn’t moving anymore. They had arrived at their next stop. The thought almost disgusted Zach.  
Halfway through his shower, there was a pounding in the door. “Zach, hurry up man.”  
“Fuck off.” Zach snapped. He knew it wasn’t fair to whomever had called to him, but frankly he didn’t care right now.  
After he couldn’t stand the heat of the steam anymore, Zach stepped out of the shower and put on the same clothes he’d been wearing before. He stomped out of the bathroom, ignoring Jake and Brent whom were trying to tell him he needed to go to sound check.  
Zach stepped around to the backside of the tour bus and climbed the ladder until he was sitting on top of it. He pulled his knees to his chest; on top of the bus was one of his favorite spots to be.  
Instantly, his thoughts drifted to Alaina. How had he not known? The cuts on her wrist should have raised a huge red flag. Looking back now, Zach could see the signs. The sudden happiness, the thin body. A thought hit him at that moment. He didn’t know for sure if she was gone, did he?  
He pulled out his phone and opened Twitter. He typed out a tweet asking if anyone knew Alaina Hart, adding her username, and hit Tweet. He anxiously stared at his phone, waiting for someone to respond to him. People retweeted and favorited his text, but no one responded knowing the girl.  
Frustrated, he typed her name into the search on Facebook. He found her quickly; her soft brown eyes were impossible to forget. He scrolled through her info and discovered her profile wasn’t at all private. He found her phone number and quickly dialed it into his phone.  
On the third ring, someone answered. His heart skipped a beat. “Hello?”  
“Who the hell is this?” A woman’s voice snapped back. Zach’s hurt instantly lurched; it wasn’t Alaina.  
“Um, ma’am, hi,” God, what an idiot he could sound like sometimes. “I’m looking for Alaina. Alaina Hart. Isn’t this her number?”  
“Yeah well, you ain’t gonna find her. Who the hell is this anyways?” The woman’s voice was a mix of annoyance and sadness. Zach’s heart dropped even more.  
“My name’s Zach. Zach Myers. I met Alaina last night and-“  
“You’re the bastard,” the woman cut him off, “that my damn daughter went to go see last night! YOU’RE the reason she snuck out and got herself killed. Don’t talk to me.”  
“But miss!” Zach desperately tried to keep the woman on the phone. “We talked last night… is she really dead… I didn’t kill her… Alaina would tell you that…” A thousand emotions ran through Zach all at once, but he knew pointing fingers at Alaina’s mother wouldn’t help him keep her on the phone.  
A long sigh sounded from the other end. “She overdosed on pills. She was found an hour ago in our backyard.” A deadly pause filled the air. “How did you know her?”  
Zach swallowed back tears. “I didn’t really. I met her last night at our show. Alaina was shy but we talked… she was having so much fun… she was so happy… I didn’t know.” Tears came anyways. “She wrote me a letter and told me not to open it until today… to keep me from stopping her.”  
“Yeah son, she had us all fooled.” The woman’s guilt-filled voice seeped into Zach’s ears. Deep down, he wanted to be furious with this woman. He wanted to hate her; she was part of the reason Alaina felt the need to take her own life, right? But he couldn’t bring himself to feel that way; he only knew half of what she was feeling right now.  
“Well,” Zach choked out, “if there’s anything I can do… please let me know.” Without awaiting a response, he hung up the phone, dropping it next to him.  
He wasn’t sure how much time had passed before he saw Barry walk up to the bus, looking up at Zach. He was holding a take-out container.  
“Zach, you haven’t eaten today. I got you some crawfish.” He spoke gently, holding up the carton. “Come one, we’re going on in like 4 hours.”  
“Not hungry.” Zach replied without looking at him. “Go away.”  
He waited until Barry walked away before clambering down from the bus. As he jumped off the ladder, he jammed his knee into the metal railing.  
“Fuck.” Zach muttered under his breath. In the next moment, he was collapsed on the ground, eyes blurred, and he realized that awful sound was him sobbing.  
He felt arms come around him, but Zach didn’t move. Thoughts of Alaina came back to him; such a happy, beautiful girl. Yet too sad to handle the world. How had he not seen it? He could’ve done something.  
“Zach,” Brent’s voice sounded when he’d finally calmed down, “I could tell you it’ll be okay, that everything’s alright. But I’d be lying to you. What you need to do right now, though, is learn to accept that it’s not going to be okay. Accept it, take it, and let it be part of you. But don’t let it destroy you like this.”  
Zach looked up at Brent, who was sitting behind him in a way so that Zach was almost in his lap. Brent was giving him a gentle, understanding look.  
“Are you feeling a little better now?” Brent asked. He wasn’t, but Zach didn’t want to tell him that. So he gave a tiny nod. “Good.”  
In an instant, Brent stood up, heaving Zach up with him. “Now, we have a show to do in 3 hours. You missed soundcheck.” Guilt rose up in Zach. “Don’t apologize for that. Instead, you’re going to take care of this.” Brent gestured to all of him. “First, go take a shower.”  
Zach opened his mouth to protest, but Brent put a finger to his lips. “Hush. Don’t argue. Go. Now. And come find me when you’re done.”  
Silently, Zach did as Brent asked. As he took his second shower for the day, a thought occurred to him. He held onto that thought as he found Brent in the front lounge of the bus.  
“Brent-” Zach started.  
“No.” Brent interrupted. “Eat. Don’t talk to me until you’ve finished eating. And don’t tell me you’re not hungry. That’s a load of bullshit.”  
Zach sat across from him at their dining table, the takeout Barry got him steaming in front of him. Without thinking twice, Zach ravishingly ate the entire plate of crawfish, and downed two bottles of Gatorade.  
As he sat there in silence, Zach realized how much better he felt already. Food, hydration and a hot shower could work wonders sometimes.  
“Better?” Brent asked. Zach genuinely nodded this time. “Good. Later, you’re going to apologize to Eric and Barry for being a dick. But first, you wanted to talk to me?”  
“Can we change the setlist tonight, just a tiny bit? There’s a song I need to play.” Zach felt himself sit up a little straighter out of confidence. “Please. After this, I promise I will get on with my life. But I need to play this song tonight.”  
Brent looked at him for a moment, before nodding. “What song do you have in mind?”  
*********  
That night, Zach exerted all his energy into one of the most powerful performances of his life. He beamed, threw out extra guitar picks, and hugged Brent way more than was necessary during their set. The crowd was one of the most beautiful he’d ever seen.  
And when he played his cover of Drown by Bring Me the Horizon for the 20,000 people there tonight, he felt a huge weight lift off his shoulders. He looked down to the front row, and could practically feel the presence of Alain Hart there.


End file.
